First of all, thank you for mentioning me in your post about loyalty last month. I’m not sure if you received any hate mail from cat lovers for repeating my claim that dogs are loyal and cats are only satisfied. But if you did, I apologize (I’m just glad it wasn’t me!) I also wanted to tell you how sorry I am that it has taken me this long to respond to your post and to answer the question you had regarding gratitude. Let me give it a try.

Is gratitude one of the signs of loyalty?

Yes…and no. If someone is loyal to an organization or to another person, it would be pretty safe to assume that they are grateful to that organization or person for the service or attention they receive. But the reverse isn’t necessarily true. The fact that someone is grateful, doesn’t mean they are loyal. It could simply mean they are happy you did what they expected you to do. Their gratitude is an acknowledgement that you completed the task they expected you to complete. Nothing more.

This is the biggest blind spot most organizations and individuals have when it comes to their professional relationships. Thinking that they should receive (and deserve) credit for things that their customers, clients, members or employees expect and take for granted. I’ll give you an example from my own experience. About 10 years ago, I was using the same accountant for both my business and personal accounts. He was a nice guy and I think a good accountant. I didn’t have a very complex company with a lot of employees, not many investments, and only a few accounts payable, so the work was pretty straightforward. I was never audited and never had any tax problems. I was grateful.

Without going into the all the details, one day i decided to have another firm do the accounting for my business. I called my former CPA to tell him what my plans were and he was understandably upset. What was ironic, however, was not that he would be upset that I was replacing him with another firm. It was his shock over why I wasn’t more loyal to him. He started to run off a list of things that he believed should have earned my loyalty. “My taxes were always done on time…” “There were never any errors…” “I was never audited…” All true. But wasn’t I paying him for that? Was not having my taxes completed on time, with a few errors, and the possibility that I could be audited by the IRS really an option that I would have found even a little bit acceptable? Of course not. So why should I give him credit for it? I was grateful that he did the job I was paying him to do, but he certainly do anything above and beyond that would have earned my loyalty.

The state of our relationship was made very clear when he finished going through his list of “accomplishments” for me, I said, “Tom, do you know what I do?”

“Of course I do. You are a consultant.”

“Right. But what kind? What do I do? Who do I work for? What markets do I serve? How healthy are those markets in this current economy? Who do I compete against?”

Silence. Dead silence.

As I said, Tom was a good guy and a good accountant and I was grateful for the work he did for me. But I couldn’t possibly be loyal to someone who didn’t really know anything about what I did – or care, for that matter. I was a client. I had money come into my office and go out of my office and at the end of the year, it all had to balance out. That was his job. The same job he performed for all of his clients, so there was nothing special about me. As far as Tom was concerned, I was just another number that he worked with.

Building a loyal relationship requires much more, however. You need to be competent at what you do, and you need to be trustworthy. But the people you want to be loyal to you will never give you credit for those things. They will always expect them. They will expect that you know what you are doing, and they will expect that you are being fair and honest with them. Loyalty occurs when you start recognizing them as unique individuals. (Maybe they look like all of your other clients because of the kind of work they do or the kind of service they offer, but they see themselves as unique, so you need to as, well.) It comes from understanding the challenges they face. The things that keep them up at night. The internal and external forces that are impacting their businesses, their jobs, or their personal lives. It comes when you start being proactive and anticipate what they will need tomorrow and next week and next year, before being asked. It comes when they see you as an essential part of their lives – a trusted advisor. Someone who they could not get along without because you do understand who they are, what they care and worry about, and what they need in order to reach their goals and find success.

When you can do that, you will see real gratitude…and real loyalty.

Peggy, Joanne and John, please mark your calendars for a great day on June 11, 2010, 8:30-4:30, and we’ll send more details later.

Thanks to all of you for your helpful insights on loyalty. We appreciate each of you!

I encourage client loyalty by trying to give them the extra mile. I try to send pertinent tax updates during the year, prepare a free tax return for their high schooler or college student, and just keep in touch.